Holidays

The holidays were quite a bit different than any other I experienced! When I was diagnosed 7 months ago, I was given some pretty scary statistics and percentages.  I was given the average length of life of someone with my diagnosis.  So I tried to absorb as much as I could.  Thanksgiving was special, almost every single one of my brothers and sisters, spouses, and children went to my parents house, (their are 11 children and tons of grand kids) it was special for me, I needed to be with my loved ones.  We had a special testimony meeting and the spirit testified to my family that we had truly experienced a miracle in our family.  Not many dry eyes and I will cherish that memory.  Then Christmas comes which is so fun and special in our family.  I love Christmas!  As we come into the new year, my wife asked me what my resolution would be.  I said " to live"!  And what I mean is I don't know how many Holiday seasons I have left, I don't know when I'll hear testimonies from all my brothers and sisters again, I heard my parents speak in church and it was amazing.  Was this the last time?  They hadn't spoke in years and years.  I want to live the best life I can, I want to be an example to my kids, family, and friends!  If the doctors first diagnosis on my length of life(which has changed because a miracle happened and my scans have been great) I would only have 5 months left in this mortal life.  Well, I'm going to live the next 10 plus years like I have only five months to live.  What if we all did?  How much of our time would be dedicated to family and "real" priorities?  How many of us would turn more fully to our Heavenly Father And his Son?  What would we change?  Who would we want to be with?  This year, I'm going to live, live like no other!  I am so thankful for the blessings, family, friends, faith, miracles, prayers and much, much more!  I love you all!! Til we meet again!!!   Happy Holidays!  Make 2014 special.........I am!!!!!!

How do we see other people?

The purpose for this post comes from a few different things.  First, I have white hair from my treatments and I have really noticed people doing double takes if I don't wear a hat.  Almost wanting to ask me why I have white hair, did I do it on purpose or thinking I messed my dye job up because there is a very distinct line on my neck that goes from white to brown.  I would actually rather just have someone ask, than look three times" :))). The second thing that brought me to this topic is the reaction I would personally get when I would go out of my way at Huntsman and ask someone how their day was going.  I remember a little frail lady in a wheelchair looked at me like I was crazy but realized I was gonna wait for an answer.  She finally smiled and said "I'm doing ok today". I loved it! I don't do it enough though. Why?  Why don't I say hi to everyone?  Why don't I notice someone that looks unhappy and ask how their day is?  I know it's Sunday schoolish, but aren't we all brothers and sisters?

Consider this quote by an individual who spent significant time in a prison camp:

"I can no longer condemn or hate a brother for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me.  His face, hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me, is transformed into the countenance of a brother for whom Christ died, the face of a forgiven sinner". When this man died, the doctor said, " I have hardly ever seen a man die to entirely submissive to the will of God!!"

Elder Holland said " consider how much happier our modern communities would be if we served rather than sued"!  Obviously he is posing the same question another way, why don't we take care of people?  Now I'm not saying there is no service or kindness, because there is enormous amounts of that, I will testify to that forever, but I know I'm missing the mark.  I was at dinner with a good friend and he said something very sweet and true.  He said that if the Savior were here today, or show up for our ward services we would most likely be shocked at who he would want to visit with because we put so much stock into callings, status etc.  He would want to be with the humble, those in pain, those who are heartbroken and devastated.  He would want to wipe tears, and put his arms around those who just arent sure whose they are.  He would want to heal and lift.  But to individuals that we might ignore everyday, or pay little attention to.  We need to pray hard for ourselves but also pray hard for those who despise us.  Easier sad than done, right? :) .  Of course it is, anything that allows us to have  significant growth is hard or stretches us, that's why we're here!! I have been blessed to have people stretch to comfort me, just by saying "hi" or "how are you doing today"?  Kindness and love can heal many things.  Try it!  Thank you for all the love, support, and prayers!!  Til we meet again!!

You never know!

Well, it has been a long while since I have shared my words, and I have had many come and go.  I apologize if I ramble a bit.To start with, a few weeks ago I had a pretty good scan that I don't want to get into but it was a huge blessing in my family and myself!  I cant thank enough people for their prayers and fasting and thought and love. Its been too much to handle!  we all love you.

We also had a passing of a close friend.  It was sudden and heartbreaking, she was young and left behind an amazing husband and 3 beautiful girls.  the service was so special and it confirmed to me that this life is just the beginning, families are forever and you cant take that away from this sweet family. we love this family and our hearts will always go out to them.

"The most important cause of our lifetime is our families.  If we will devote ourselves to this cause, we will improve every other aspect of our lives and will become, as a people and as a church, an example and a beacon for all the people of the earth!" -M. Russell Ballard

It was a little humbling and emotional for me to be at the viewing and the funeral because a flood of emotions takes over me and it starts too look very real to me, especially when my clock is ticking. but I was comforted, I also believe in the doctrine of eternal families, and its not just a happy though, its part of my eternal testimony of this and many other truths that I am so thankful for.

The past few months, a few things have made a huge imprint on me and I have decided that there are 3 things that get me through this and give me strength to go on.

#1 service from others, this can be so many things, I will give a few small examples.  Two young men who are brothers, who NEVER miss mowing my lawn once a week.  They don't think its a huge deal but it is, I cant do it now, and I like a mowed lawn.  Next, the company that I work for has an annual company golf tourney.  This year, because they truly love me, they turned it into a Team Tommy fundraiser, and I was blown away at the support and donations.  My elders quorum pres. out serving, doing visits decided to make an extra stop at the Henrys, not knowing I had a really tough week and lifted me.  if someone feels bad, serve them, if you feel bad serve someone, if your feeling blessed, serve.  If you feel like everything is going wrong, serve!!!

#2 Family.  What in the world would I do without them?  from wife and kids to parents and all of my siblings and everything in between. I have been lifted in more ways than I can count.  I calls, texts, emails and cards every  week.  wanting to take out kids so my wife and I could just sleep.  They want to bring food, or messages or just come see how there brother is doing.  I have a big family, and I'm lucky to have each and every one of them.   I love them so much. My sweet Mother, and this is personal, but she came to me one day, emotional and said to me that if she could, she would take my place in a heart beat.  It was so tender, and she meant it.  However, with what I've seen, heard, read, witnessed, I wouldn't give this up!  That might sound strange.  Cancer stinks!  But my journey with my Father in Heaven and my family has been amazing!!

# Is my Eternal Brother.  Now, I write this with the most respect I can.  He has carried me through this!!  I love him, and I know without a doubt he died for me so that my burdens, right now, could be lighter.  I have a picture, by my bed of Him, and the artist did such an amazing job with the eyes.  I cant tell you how many times I look at that picture for comfort, peace, reassurance, hope, help, and just to say thanks.

I'm fighting........like we all are with something.  Something hard no doubt.  Let us keep these three things close to the heart.  You have NO idea who is waiting for your, love, service or comfort.  Thank you all, you make my days so much better.  "Til we meet again"

Music

I have a pretty important week coming up and it's been a little tough to get my mind from going a little crazy.  Reading helps. A solid tub helps!:) But music, it is my saving grace right now!  But it's not the usual music.  I love hymns, I love music that takes my wife and I back to when we first met. It makes us laugh and cry.  I also love piano music!  It has such a spirit about it and its one of the very few times I let myself breakdown a little.  As I was lying in bed listening to some awesome music I just couldn't help ask the question.  This music we listen to is amazing talent from mortal people!  What will we have the pleasure of listening to in the next sweet life?  I can't even imagine because my emotions are already brought to the surface right now.  Music is amazing, if we let it be!  My favorite part of my day is late at night, before I fall asleep, my wife tickles my back.......every night!!!   And the other night we listened to music for hours, crying and laughing!  I dare you to find something more sacred and special with your spouse, I don't think there is!!!  Thank you so much for all the prayers, support, friendships, etc!   We love you!!!

Now What?

Well, I started my last infusion treatment and chemo yesterday ( I might now do just chemo) and after 3 previous treatments, I know now what to expect, it'll be rough for a while.  But I know how to get comfortable and my amazing wife takes such good care of me! My MRI looks good, stable.  I also have my full body scans coming up in a couple weeks.  Those will tell us a lot about what lies ahead, these are the ones we've been anticipating for a long time, and it's almost here.
It's so amazing and a little strange, what I have missed over the past months.  I miss the gym, you know where you go to work yourself to exhaustion and can't move the next day, I miss that. I miss cleaning the house, I can do a solid once over! I miss work, I love my job and who I work with, I have never been more excited to get back!!!!  I miss little things that mean nothing to most but mean the world to me.

Over the past months, it has been easy for me to stay very positive, because I had something to look forward to.  Golf tourney, crossfit, etc, etc.!!!! With each event I was touched, inspired, humbled and it was truly easy to fight.  After the dust settled, and there were no more events, I jokingly asked my wife "now what"?  I didn't mean what's the next event or anything like that, but for us......"now what"?  All those events were amazing, they lifted me like no other, but I always knew it would come to an end, and I would need to have another motivation.  And I do, my motivation is trust!  I trust that the prayers haven't stopped in my family's behalf, I trust that people have bettered their lives to draw faith for me.  I trust that my sweet little babies will continue to be lifted by love and faith from others as they watch their Daddy fight.  I trust that my sweet, gentle wife can draw on the powers of Heaven.  I trust that the miracles will continue.  I trust, that as I go through this trial, I can fully understand that I chose this plan,  and I was ready to fight with integrity and loyalty to my Heavenly Father.  But most important for me, I have to trust that when its not the easiest day, and I kneel in prayer, my words are being heard and I will be comforted.   Events will come and go, but I will battle on because I trust, and I always will.  Thank you all for helping me trust and fight.  I love you!!!

UPDATE

Hello Everybody, I wanted to give a quick update.  I am currently in the middle of my 3rd round of infusion and 2nd round of chemo.  It is a little bit of a behind kicker! :) I am really tired and weak, any energy I have quickly leaves after a shower or a trip to the grocery store.  It's ok though, I'm willing to do what it takes to see the results I want.  Just like anything in life I guess!!  I had a visit with my radiation oncologist to discuss the results of my first MRI since I was diagnosed.  It went pretty well! For now, the number of masses have decreased and the Dr. was "very happy", (as happy as Doctors get,:) ) I have one more treatment for this round and some more tests coming up.  The full body scan results are the ones I'm praying for.  Fingers Crossed!  Once again, I want to thank everyone who have lifted my family.  Hundreds!!!  I pray for you all to be blessed, the love and help we have received has NOT gone unnoticed!

I have had a lot go through my mind the past few months, I read, I study, and I found a quote that I love.  It's small, but to the point.  It says: "No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse"!  I absolutely love that!  I look back on the things I used to complain about, or make big deals about, or stress about, and to be honest, I'm a little embarrassed.  Life is meant to be lived with trials, heartache, challenges, difficulties, but not meant to complain about!! There is ALWAYS someone worse off than me.  There is always someone going through something I would never want to.  Let's all pocket the complaints for awhile and look to someone who needs a good word or compliment.  I have cancer, but I know so many people who have much more difficult things they are going through.  So if you hear me whine, smack me a little and wake me up, because I have blessings pouring down from heaven......we ALL do!  Thank you for your prayers, they are truly felt!!!!

Only One Set

The past week or so has been amazing!  We had the first annual Team Tommy golf tourney which was a huge success and we also had the 5k for my sister in law and myself, also amazing.  It's so humbling to see the support from so many loving, thoughtful, and selfless people.  Saying thank you is  the only thing I can do because I cant even start to give back my love and appreciation to so many people.  So, Thank You!!

I need to share something that made the week even more special.  I am in the process of going through 2 treatments right now, and I've got to say, it kicked my behind a little bit.  I was in bed for about a week straight.  The golf tourney was on a Tuesday, and my worst day by far was on the previous Monday.  I was pretty sick, tired, weak, and earlier my wife and I decided that I would just show up for a few minutes at the start of the tourney and go to my parents and sleep, and then come back for the final few minutes.  This was Saturday and Sunday.  By Monday I had told my wife that there is no way I can go.  She even called my Mom, without me knowing, and said just go on with the tourney, but that I most likely wouldn't be there. I was sad.  I wanted to be there, see people, get out.  But it wasn't looking good.  I prayed.  I prayed hard.  When I woke up on Tuesday, things were different, I felt different.  I had some strength, I felt like I could at least go for the beginning.  I got up, and got ready.  I got to the course and as soon as I stepped out of the car, I had strength beyond my own.  I was able to stay for the entire event.  Now, this seems small, but I need to tell you, it wasn't!  I was immediately reminded of the famous "Footprints" poem:

 
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
‘You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?’
The Lord replied,
‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.’

I look at this poem a lot different now.  We can all relate with the thoughts of the person dreaming, "this is hard", "where are you", "I can't do this" and many other things that we may have said in this life's journey. But have we forgotten where we come from and who's we are?   One of my favorite scriptures reads: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I m meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls, For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I didn't want to go to the golf event to watch golf.  I wanted to go for exactly what happened.  I had friends, family and strangers look me in the eyes and tell me they love me, tell me they are praying for me.  I was lifted by people who put their own world aside for a moment to make mine better.  I was carried, and I needed that.  Their was one set of prints that day, I could not do that on my own, it was impossible.  I was being carried that entire day.  As a matter of fact, when I look back "in the sand" from the day I was diagnosed, there has been only one set of prints.  I am so blessed!  I truly, truly love all of you.  You have know idea what you have meant to my family and myself.  Please, all of you, look back and notice the times there have been one set of prints.  We are children of a loving Father, he doesn't leave us alone!  Thanks everyone!! I love you!

How are you REALLY doing??

I would be very ungrateful if I didn't first say Thank You to EVERYONE!!  I can't even express the love, kindness, generosity, support, words, and prayers.  It has lifted and sustained my life and has significantly blessed my wife and kids!!  I love you all!!

It's been an amazing few days and I have learned how selfless people are, people willing to do everything for someone else!  How do you thank people like that, how do you give back?  I'm so in the hole with saying thank you, or sending my love to people the I feel unworthy of my blessings.  I was able to go to dinner and secure an eternal friendship with some very amazing people, I graduated the first bout of radiation!!!!!  Get that mask away from me!!!  I went up to a fundraiser in Ogden at a crossfit gym, and I was blown away, not only at the physical specimens, but at there love and support to me and my family, they treated me like a brother, they hugged me, they cried with me, they took their bodies to the limit and came straight to me and hugged me.  People who didn't need to be there, people that finished not matter what for me, a little sister who went absolutely beast mode to finish and she did with tears in her eyes and I was able to cry with her and thank her!!  I had my wife and kids going through heck and didn't stop, didn't quit!!  How do you thank someone for that?
I was able to go through the Temple with some family members and it was one of the most spiritual and emotional sessions!!  Families are forever!!!! It was Father's Day and I got to think of my amazing Dad who has done everything in his power to make my life better. I got to look at MY fatherhood, how stinking blessed I am, 4 amazing children who have changed my life and giving me my supreme honor of being a Father!!!  I also got to think of my Heavenly Father, I can't even begin to express my love and humility!  I was able to go to work a few times for a bit, I love my company,  I am part of their family and they make me feel that way!  I started Chemo with my infusion, met with the Dr. and he was very, very pleased with my attitude and progress!! It was a busy few days!!

Now, the question my family and I are asked a bunch ( usually behind my back)!! " How are you REALLY doing?? You know, like I'm lying or faking, :))! I'm going to get personal for minute and I apologize.  When I say "I'm good". I mean it!  Let me tell you why.  I am a child of God and he has sent  me here, I'm an offspring of Deity!  I agreed to ANYTHING The Lord would put in my path because the only way I can be like Him is to go through my trials like he wants me too, with Faith, with Hope, with integrity!  With courage!!   I have cancer, but people go through MUCH, MUCH worse and I would be an ungrateful servant to pout and whine about myself!! I'm honored, that my Eternal Father in Heaven trusts little old me, with this opportunity to grow, see miracles, have my family unified,  meet heroes who have battled long before myself, flip my world upside down to see what life, family, and the eternities are really all about! I cannot and WILL NOT throw my hands in the air and say "why me?" I am not going to disgrace the Plan of Happiness that I agreed to!!  My family, my wife, my kids, my friends and many others are watching, it is my obligation to "lift where I stand!!"  I'm not in this alone, not for a second!! So, for anyone wondering, "how are you Really doing?""  I am a Child of God, I have NOTHING to complain about!!  I love you all!!  WE GOT THIS!!!

S.T.A.N.D.

A few years ago my amazing daughter blew me away with an idea where her and her friends wanted to set some very high goals that they had to really work and strive for to achieve.  They had categories of service, scripture study and memorization, temple attendance, service projects, etc.  The challenge was called S.T.A.N.D. Which means "Stay True And Never Doubt"!!  I loved it , they worked there tails off and I immediately saw a difference in my daughters attitude and personality, she was doing things that made her a better person, she was changing!  I was so proud of her and her friends and they were a huge example to many!!

I have thought of the STAND concept many, many times since then.  I have thought that with the garbage, heartache, pain, discouragement, etc, that this life throws at us,what if we all choose to STAND?? Stay True And Never Doubt?  Can we do this?  What does it even mean? First, Stay True. You can't stay anywhere, until to are already there.  To stay fit, you must get fit, to stay spiritual, you must get spiritual, to stay strong minded, you must get strong minded.  So, to Stay True, you just become true, find and keep standards, honor your name and your family name with integrity, take a stance, be a leader that doesn't falter......Stay True!!  Next, Never Doubt!  Wen you are true, and you are living that life, Never Doubt!!  Never doubt that people are watching and will help, never doubt that people want and need someone to follow, never doubt that you WILL be lifted in moments of pain and trial! Never doubt, that when the going gets rough, and you feel like your life is falling apart, you will be carried because you FIRST, chose to STAND!!!  It's easy for me to write this, because I have seen people STAND in my life and I have been touched and humbled!!  I have had individuals, with hard exteriors, STAND and tell me they love me and are sorry for my trials, I have looked into people's eyes where I could see they had so much pain in their own lives, smile at me with a melting smile and allowed me to feel their love, I have seen individuals STAND for me even financially, when I know that pennies are being pinched for them!  My perspective in life is different, life is fragile and my kids need people who they grow up watching do things that are pure and good!  We need to lift others if they can't STAND,  and stay with them until they can do it on there own, and once they can we find another, and lift them!  I can't express what my family has seen, felt,  and witnessed!  I am deciding to STAND!  Please, all of you amazing people in my corner, keep STANDING, the world is good because of you!  Let's STAND together, if a handful of 12 year old girls can do it, we all can!!!  S.T.A.N.D.!!!  I love you all!!  We got this!!

I'm ready now!

I want to start off this entry by first thanking so many people who allowed my wife and I to get away for a night and then come back to an "upgraded" bedroom which feels so warm to be in.....my amazing family!  They have gone above and beyond the call!  Thank you and I love you!!!

While my wife and I were away for a night we had a chance to go to a movie.  This movie is not a box office explosion or well known, it's not one that many people will see.  As a matter of fact we saw it because it was the only one playing at the time we could go.  It's called Ephraim's Rescue.  It's a church movie and I'm so glad we went.  It's a story of a man who went to rescue one of the handcart company's that got caught in the winter.  It was so humbling to see what people went through to make my life better so many years later.  There was a scene that I loved, a group of men were assembled and were asked who could go help this company, men, woman, and children, caught in the snow.  One man strongly said " I can get prepared and be ready Thursday", another man said "I can be ready in 3 days", both very willing to go and very sincere.  However, Ephraim raised his hand and with amazing conviction said " Brother, I am ready NOW!"  It was strange the flood of emotion that came over we at that moment and as I write this now, am I ready now to help? To grow? To follow the right path? For hard things? For blessings?  If I were called right this minute to do something hard or inconvenient, would I say " I'm ready next Thursday", or do I stand, put everything aside and say " I'm ready NOW"?  I know that the past month I have had hundreds of people through their efforts, service, and love show me and my family that they are ready.....NOW!!  I'm so grateful for those people, who have made it a priority in there lives to be ready, who are looking for ways to serve, who put aside their own comforts to "be ready".  I want to be like so many of you, and I am determined to "get ready" for anything that I am called to do!!  Thank you all, I love you deeply!  We got this!!!

This is just a test.......

There are few things as annoying as watching your favorite tv show or game and you get the "test" the loud, horrible beeps followed by a voice telling me that this is a test, and if it were not a test we would get instructions, blah, blah, blah......!  However, it's interesting how those few words have such  a powerful meaning" "this is just a test"!

How cool would it be if during our life, when we just finished doing something dumb, or that we regret, we had a voice tell us " this is just a test", followed by instructions on what to do!  But even more helpful would be during the darkest, scariest, loneliest hours of our life, we had someone, or something calmly say the phrase, but personalized it by putting your name at the beginning.  For example, I have had a rough month, scary, confusing.....but to know that I have someone who could and would say to me........."Tom, this is just a test and here is how you get through it and this is what you're supposed to do"! Think about that, think about what we are doing here, what we spend our time doing, going through our routines etc.  But, inevitably we ALL have an emergency, we all come to point where we need help.  We all, deep down long for the voice, we need it, we want someone to calm us down and give us instruction on how to overcome it.  This IS part of the test, we are here for a reason, find what that is if you haven't, know that we have the power to be the voice to others!! Listen for the voice from others, reminding you about the test.  Help one another, lift one another.  To all my friends and family, listen to the voice, the Eternal voice, from one who loves us , who will never leave your side, who warns and reminds of of our individual test and how to triumph and instructions to grow, and go on!  I know this is a test, and I'm thankful for so many voices telling me what we all want and need to hear......."Tom, my son, this is just a test"!!!!  Thank you for your support and love, I love you all!  We got this!!!

There's no crying in baseball!

"There's no crying in baseball", I feel like one of Tom Hanks best lines ever!  It's from the movie A League of Their Own, and there is a scene where one of his players comes into the dugout from making a bad play and the coach (Tom Hanks) scolds hers in a funny but mean way, as he walks away he notices she starts to cry and says, " are you, crying, are you crying, ..........There's no crying in baseball!!!!!!!" I love it and chuckle every time I see. Well, that has become my new phrase I use to family. " there's no crying in Team Tommy"! It's meant to be light and funny, and I understand the tears from my loved ones, I have had some tears myself, but my point in saying that is because we can't control the uncontrollable, meaning, why worry about something that may or may not happen, why lead a sad life, or get upset, or put things on hold?  Control what we can control.  I have cancer, it was out of my control, but I can control if I want to be happy, laugh, smile, go on, fight, forgive, forget, repent, teach, love, sleep(haha), hope, want, desire, dream, study, build, play, grow, etc. I want  my loved ones to express themselves however they want, even if if means crying, but its hard to cry if we take a few moments out of our day, EVERY day and really, really count your blessings, the cry will turn into a cry of gratitude and thankfulness once we realize it!

I am so gratefully for what I have.  In a selfish way, my diagnosis has blessed me with amazing experiences, put special people in my life, given me special, spiritual moments. I'm seeing things and people as with a new set of eyes.  My wife isn't my wife, she's the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and she is truly my eternal companion, I want to be by her side ALWAYS.  My kids are not my kids, they are the source for my purest joy and love, they are my God given responsibility to raise, nurture, love and build, they are my babies and my eternal family.  All family isn't just family, they are rocks in my foundation of strength, they are a love and support group.  They are selfless, they are fighters and friends.  They are my everything!  Friends aren't just friends, they are an extension of what I hope for, they love me through good or bad, they fight FOR me and lift me up when I am too weak to do it!  The gospel isn't just nice stories and warm fuzzies to me, it's Everything!  It's what makes miracles happen, it's what allows me to be strong and have a clear perspective of the eternities, it's the means for me to have relationships with my Heavenly Family, and it's the reason I can know that I have a Brother who KNOWS what I am going through and has already asked me to place my burden on Him.  I am humbled but I am strong because of my amazing support team.  Team Tommy isn't just a cute name, it lifts me, it helps me, it humbles me!!  Thank you everybody, I love you all!! There's no crying in Team Tommy, well, maybe a little!! We got this!!!

Huntsman visit #2

Yesterday was a looooong day! We were at Huntsman all day long, blood drawn multiple times for tests, met with a bunch of doctors, nurses, counsel ours, had my radiation mask made which was a smudge uncomfortable etc.  It was a little overwhelming and draining.  I start radiation today and next week I start infusions for 12 weeks, for the first level of treatment that isn't radiation. There are some side affects, depending once again how MY body reacts.  
It seems like I have a very long road ahead of me to try and find the combo of treatment that my body responds best to.  So it's on!!  Continued prayers are much appreciated.

The counselor afterwards was telling me ways to cope, or deal with this disease ( I honestly was NOT in the mood :), but I listened  and she said some good stuff.  She asked me if I believe in a religion or a higher power.  I didn't hear a word after that because my mind instantly thought that not only do I believe in a " higher power", I know that I have a Heavenly Father who know my name, loves me, is mindful of the trials I am going through, blesses me, comforts me with arms around me, sustains me through dark moments, etc.  I believe in family, and that no matter what happens, I have my family forever, what an amazing comfort.  I know that my Heavenly Father has put people in my life for RIGHT NOW!  I know that He has given me mercy, shown miracles and strengthened hundreds who are concerned with me and praying for me.  If I didn't believe what I believe or KNOW, this whole process would be a nightmare and scary.  It's not though, it's a trial that I have to get through with the help of my " higher power", my Father in Heaven.  I'm so grateful for that reality.  I love you all, thank you for your support, prayers, kind words and service.  It is truly AMAZIN!!!  We got this!!!

Huntsman visit #1

It's time for an update.  I met with one of my oncologists today at Huntsman for the first time, and I must say, it was very positive.  They had my MRI with them and he counted 40+ growths of melanoma formed in my brain, a few more than we thought, :) but it doesn't change the goal and determination I have towards it. We have a planning session with two oncologists to set up a treatment plan for the growths in my shoulder, neck, and stomach, but I will begin radiation for my brain on Thursday.  I am going to lose my hair :), not  a huge deal as I have shaved my head multiple times in my day.  The symptoms aren't horrible, for the most part, obviously everyone reacts different but it should be pretty tolerable.  After my radiation treatments, the other treatments, ( chemo, etc.) begins.  At this time no more surgery is needed. (Fingers crossed)!

The doctor said today, " melanoma is tricky, we don't try to cure the disease, we try and control it."  I've thought about that a bunch today, I feel like I have been put in this position for a reason.  I am not quite sure what that is, but I have had a special spirit with me the past couple weeks that has been so special and needed.  My amazing brother in law sent me this quote:
"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.  When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that The Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for everlasting benefit." -Richard G. Scott

I love this so much, I feel blessed and almost honored that I have a chance to grow and become a better man through this trial.  I love that I can spend so much time focused on my little family, feeling the love of so many, and watching the many miracles in my life.  Thank you for your support!  We got this!!

Angels among us?

I have had a topic on mind and some thoughts I wanted to share.  I started from a verse I read in the scriptures and the urge got stronger when a good family friend sent me a quote from Elder Holland:

“I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.”
― Jeffrey R. Holland

In the past few weeks, a very short time with our new direction in life, we have felt the influences of Angels.  I know it's easy to write that off as people just helping, or maybe people feel sorry for us......I strongly disagree.  I am being lifted up, by divine love and strength.  I know that we are at a time and place in this life, in this moment, on purpose.  We have been aligned with amazing friends, families, loves ones.......all Angels!!  It's hard for me NOT to look to the heavens and wonder what is in store, what is this going to bring, why now, etc.  But I know that people have been placed in my path for a reason.  I cherish the spirit of love that we have felt.  I get emotional at the sacrifices people are making in behalf of me and m family.  Angels!  Please, look for the angels in your life and more importantly, become and Angel to someone else.  I know I couldn't do this without mine!!  I love you Angels!  We got this!!

Angie finale

I forgot to mention, she's my sister in law!!:)

ANGIE

I want to take a moment tonight and share my thoughts and love with someone I think is truly amazing, who I love, and who is a huge inspiration to me.  Her name is Angie!  Angie has not had the easiest life, (to say the least).  She has gone through more in her young years than most people do in a lifetime.  She has seen darkness and felt the wrath of what this world throws at us.  She is AMAZING!  Last month, Angie found a lump in her collarbone area, had it checked and was diagnosed with cancer and has been doing chemotherapy treatments for a few weeks now.  I am amazed at that woman!  If you meet her, you will most likely find yourself laughing or smiling because she brings the best vibe with her anywhere she goes, she adores her kids, and is madly in love with her rock of a husband Jake.  Angie has brought tears to my eyes many times the past few weeks, because she has been more concerned with me and my diagnosis than her own!  She texts me during chemo, to tell me to be strong, she questions the oncologist about MY situation, she came and got in bed with me after my surgery and made me laugh and cry, she has been an inspiration of what love is and service is.  I want to be compassionate like Angie, I want to make people laugh like Angie, I want to glow like Angie, I want to lift like Angie.  Angie.....I love you, thank you for being you!  Please, anyone who reads this, pray for Angie and her little family!  They deserve it, they need it! SHE GOT THIS!!!

angiesarmy-fight.blogspot.com

Miracles

Tonight I have a very heavy heart and mind.  My little brother said it best.."three weeks ago one of my biggest concerns was my golf swing and now.....:)" It's amazing how different things look to me right now.  It's humbling as I see a hand, greater than mine, orchestrating this new journey!  When I was first told that I had some "cancerous looking cells"  I knew right away, that this wasn't going to be basic.  I had that feeling, I knew.  We were told so many different things in such a small window that it became stressful.  I just wanted to know, I wanted to start my battle and I wanted to know my opponent.  Well, now I know.  I know who I'm going against.  I am going to share it with you the way is was taught to me, not the medical terms......you're welcome! :) I have been diagnosed with an advanced, stage 4 melanoma.  They removed a pretty good sized mass in my armpit.  We got all the scan results back and I have a few more affected areas in my torso and back area.  The Gut punch came when out of nowhere, I was told that they have also found at least 5 tumors in my brain. That one I wasn't completely ready for.  I have multiple appointments with the Huntsman Inst. next week, and my surgeon spoke directly to the oncologist who would be working with me, and he was very optimistic.......whatever that means:) So the fight begins!  I felt for the first time, maybe ever, what it means for me to know that I have an eternal family, because in an instant mortality became so fragile and now seemed like I'm "on the clock".  Many years ago there was a famous saying during a very important (sure) athletic event.  The term used as the underdogs were about to win was: "do you believe in miracles?" Now, I feel offended that such a phrase was used to try and capture an athletic event, an event so irrelevant to our individual lives.  On the flip side, many people do not believe in miracles unless it's magical, or mystical.   Out of this world if you will, maybe another parting of the red sea?  Again, such a sad hope or vision of a miracle.  Let me tell you what I think are miracles and you can take some time to count the hundreds in your life later.  A miracle is a wife who lost her mother and sister at an early age, finds out her husband has cancer and is "allowed" to sleep like a baby during one of the hardest weeks in our marriage.  A miracle is when I get hundreds and hundreds of emails, texts, calls messages etc. telling me that I am on the prayer list for people of all different faiths, because they love someone who loves me! A miracle is a brother or sister who put their own families aside for a moment to make sure their brother KNOWS they love him.  A miracle is when I have been given strength beyond my own to look at only the positives, not the negatives in this situation.  The miracle is of a father who works harder than anyone I know who fasts, multiple times, for his son, but has the strength to work and provide for his family. A miracle is a mother of a special needs daughter that goes through more pain and anguish than most of us can imagine, and still has time and energy to do anything she can for her brother.  Do I believe in miracles?  YES!!! Because I know them when I see them and I will not ignore what they truly are in my life.........MIRACLES!!!  Thank you everybody, I love you all!! We got this!!

Bath Time

I'm sure many of you are thinking that you don't really want to hear about bath time.......too bad! My wife and I were laughing pretty hard at how "low" you can feel when you don't have your "A" game.  Like, after my second surgery, they were kind enough to hook me up with a drain for the wound and tell me I can't shower or get it wet for 14 days or so.  First, I like me a shower, burning hot with all of my scented scrubs and shampoos, you know the good smelling stuff.  Second, I never, EVER miss a shower let alone be banned from it for two weeks.  As I was sitting in the tub last night, water about 3 inches high, holding my "grenade shaped drain", I looked at my wife like Kramer to Jerry: "Bathes Jerry, Bathes!" It wasn't a pretty sight....at all, but I loved that in the middle of a humiliating moment for me, I can still feel the unconditional love my wife has for me and turn it into a funny moment in our simple lives!

I also had a cat scan and a PET/CT scan today to determine other affected areas and to prepare for treatment.  We are on pins and needles for now, but I actually had a very peaceful few hours.  The tests are a little loud and it's a long wait and process, but I had a lot of time to think.  No TV, music, magazines, phone.....nothing.  I immediately thought about how blessed I am right now. I have been humbled and overwhelmed with love and support from friends, family, loved ones and even strangers who just want to help!  In a time when it could be very easy to be negative and in a world that seems so dark, I couldn't stop counting my blessings.  What I have, who I have. I am so fortunate to be where I am!  I have been bombarded with love! The power of prayer and the moving action of Love are real!  They are not "nice" ideas, I am being lifted up and I can't ever forget this, it is changing my life as we speak!! I don't know what the next days, weeks, months or years have in store, but I know I a going to be strong because of the love and kindness of people who care!  Thank you all!  WE GOT THIS!!!!!

Scan day

Brandy:

I am sitting across the hall from the MRI room listening to the loud clicks and beeps as my cute husband, who 3 weeks ago was playing golf with his buddies at this time without a care in the world...how things can change! The small things I was worrying about then seem so insignificant now!

Surgery #2

This is Brandy now giving you all an update of Tom's 2nd surgery.  The past 2 1/2 weeks have gone by in a blur with moments of sadness and helplessness to feeling so blessed by the Lord's mercy and love for us!

We went back into same day surgery on Friday to remove the rest of the cancerous cells in Tom's armpit or axilla as the Dr's are calling it.  By the way there are a ton of technical names and information being thrown at us so if I do not sound like I know what I am talking about it is probably because I don't!  Still doing lots of reading to try to comprehend all that we are being told.  In the first surgery they removed a lymph node or nodes about the size of a racquetball, this time they removed about another fist sized amount.  He did great in the surgery and recovery and is still cracking jokes in pre and post op.  Our surgeon had to come in and check on Tom's drain and was clearly not thrilled that the nurse could not take care of it and Tom joked as he left that he was just mad that he had to come back on his way to his Bingo tournament in his Hawaii five o shirt.  This was just after he had really pushed and prodded with his very tender area that had just been sliced open.

The surgeon informed us that he is pretty sure that the other tissue he removed was cancerous as well which means that it is probably not contained in just this area.  We will be having a PET/CT scan next Wednesday to determine if it has spread and where, then the oncologist will determine what the treatment plan will be.

On another note we are so completely overwhelmed and humbled at the amount of love and service that is being offered to our family!  Everyday there have been tender mercies sent in the form of a call, text, meal, visit, or act of service and so many other things I cant even mention them all.  Thank you so much for your prayers, love and positive thoughts! I know the only way we are staying strong and able to bear all of this is through the prayers that are being said on our behalf! We really cannot thank you enough or express how much all of your love means to us!  We have been so humbled and feel so loved!  Please keep praying for our family, we know that miracles happen and we are hopeful and know that our Father is very aware of us! 

What the heck just happened?

I'm a blogger!  Wow, I honestly never, EVER thought I would say that! It will get better as time goes by, maybe.  I need to apologize in advance that this is an outlet for me and I want my family and friends to be able to check in on me from time to time. I'm sorry if it gets too sentimental or preachy, it's mine and you can go ahead and log off if you don't like it....:)   So, what the heck just happened? I mean, why and how did I get here?  Let me take it back a little bit.....



2 weeks and 2 days ago while I was in the shower washing my pits I noticed a big lump under my left armpit. I know that sometimes we all find something we don't love on our bodies.  I'm as stubborn as the next guy but this was different, this wasn't right. (not to mention it was affecting my golf game :) I thought, this couldn't be worse timing considering my sister in law, Angie Alvord @angiesarmy-fight.blogspot.com, just found out that she is starting a battle with cancer and the prior couple of days have weighed very heavily on the entire family.  I wasn't thrilled to share this news with my wife, but I needed to.  I told my beautiful wife Brandy and she immediately went into panic mode, which is what I love about her!  We had a visit to the doctor scheduled for Monday.  We  met with the doctor who told us he wouldn't really worry about it and that we could schedule an ultrasound in the next few days..........this wasn't good enough for the wifey.  She demanded we get in to get the ultrasound that day, and he heard the concern in her voice and scheduled it.  We rushed down to Utah Valley Regional and got the ultrasound.  The individual who was on duty was funny, he was cracking jokes, he was trying to make it light.....until he saw it.  I saw his facial expressions completely change as I could tell that this wasn't just a goiter.  He got on the phone with my Doctor who wanted to speak with me and told me we need to see a surgeon ASAP, we HAVE to get that out of there.  We had a meeting with the surgeon on Wednesday, he didn't like what he saw and to "cross your fingers that is isn't melanoma", I had surgery Thursday to remove a racquetball sized mass. The pathologist looked at it and determined it was melanoma (dang it!) and we needed to get more of the mass out.  I had my second surgery this past Friday to remove another fist-sized mass, this is getting  real.  So, like I asked before, what the heck just happened? The past couple weeks has turned our little world upside down! It is amazing how irrelevant and insignificant so many things that we do really are.  I wanted to be with my wife and kids, I wanted to go to the temple, I wanted to pray, I wanted to be strong.  But most importantly, I wanted to know what I was supposed to learn through this and how I could use it to become a better man, Father, husband, brother and friend.  This blog will be my way of going through this personal journey.  I want to help my family see that I am ok, and that I am strong and I will get through this.  I also want cancer to know, that this will be one of the toughest fights to pick, because when I come, I come with the thunder!!!:) Please, check in from time to time, I need prayers, good vibes, success stories and love.  I am more than overwhelmed at the tons and tons of people already in my corner.  I love you all!  So, LET"S DO THIS!!!!!!