I Love Christmas

Well, I'm back!! It's been a little while but I need to post something, especially with all the amazing things I have gone through and of course, it's Christmas!!! I first want to tell everyone who follows my family and has prayed, fasted, donated, emailed, called, and just loved us, Thank You!! One thing I have tried to do but know that I cannot do, is express how grateful I am to have so many amazing people in my corner!!  I truly love all of you!

I had scans the Monday before thanksgiving and they came back strong.  What I mean is, there is no sign of active disease.  Although I will always be labeled as a "advanced stage IV patient, I've decided I'm ok with that because I'm strong, healthy and happy.  My oncologist is awesome and to this day can't really explain what happened.  He has used my story with other patients and at conferences he goes to.  He is humble enough to know it's not just him and I'm blessed enough to know that my doctor is an instrument in the Lords hands!  The next two years will determine a lot for the longevity of my life.  It's interesting something I heard from my man Ben Henry, someone I love, and appreciate, although we don't have the exact same religious beliefs, he's a great man.  He is an owner at Mt. Ogden Crossfit and they have supported me from day one.  When my sister told a few people at the gym that my scans were clean again, he said " of course they are, he has been healed !" I get emotional because of his faith.  He believes I was completely healed, and it's because of him and hundreds and hundreds of faithful people like him, I have been healed, maybe only for another two years, 10 years or 50 years,  or maybe forever, who knows.  But as of  right now, I AM healed!!

I love this Christmas.  We have decided to do a lot of things different this year, a little more mellow with decorations and presents, etc. we have been lucky enough to have friends want the same thing........help more, serve more.  It's been an amazing experience for myself, my wife, and my kids.  We are feeling the true meaning of Christmas!  My wife also wanted her and I to study more about the Savior during the weeks leading up to Christmas so we could appreciate His life much more.  One of my favorite parts of the New Testament is obviously the example of our Savior, but specifically after he had fasted forty days and had been temped by satan.  Surely the Savior was tired, hungry, thirsty, and physically and spiritually fatigued after this ordeal.  The scriptures say angels ministerd unto him, but through modern day revelation we learn that, he knew that John the Baptist was cast into prison, so he sent angels to minister to John!  This is how I want to be.  Selfless. Pure love. Humble.  Through the past year and a half I have been able to TRY and be better, serve more, and love more!

I'm doing well!! I want all of you to know that we can do hard things!!! We can get through anything, as a matter of fact, a lot more than we think we can.  Fight, whatever it is you are struggling with, please fight, believe and be happy!  I love you all and I love your support, friendships and faith!  We Got this!!  Until we meet again........Merry Christmas!!

Fathers

Fathers Day has come and gone.  Instagram and  Facebook blown up with collages and amazing words to their Fathers.  I love Father's Day, but recently, special days like Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas , anniversaries, etc, have taken on a different feeling.  I feel I need to cherish these times a lot more than I used to.  I want to share my feelings about three types of Fathers. My father, me being a father, and the relationship of my Savior and our Heavenly Father.

First, my Dad!  I love my Dad.  I have learned so much from my Dad.  He's the most loving, giving, hard working man I know!  We all say that but I really don't know of anybody like my Dad.  He named me after him.  When I was growing up and the phone rang, if someone asked for "Tom", the entire household would ask, " big Tom or Little Tom?" I'm honored to have his name! One of my biggest accomplishments as a teenager was when I beat him in an arm wrestle!!!! I've worked for him, I've seen him out work younger men every day, all day!  Beast Mode!  My Dad would give anything to take away the pains and heartaches of his wife, kids, and Grandchildren.  Actually, he would try and help anyone and everyone!  I love my Dad and I'm thankful I'm his son!!

Second, me as a Father!  How can anyone put into words how they feel about their kids?  I get emotional thinking about what they mean to me.  It is truly a gift from Heaven to be a Father, and to have children who rely on you for EVERYTHING!  I hurt for parents who have lost a child, or who have watched one of their precious little ones suffer.  I can't imagine!  As a father I have learned to love beyond anything I could have imagined, to protect, to teach, to comfort, to cry and to trust!  My greatest calling if that of Father and I hope and pray that my kids know how much I love them and know I would do anything for them!

Finally, my Savior and Our Father!  The reason we love our kids and our Fathers is because "he first loved us"! How truly special is this relationship?  I want to focus on two amazing and eternal instances in this special relationship.  First, the garden.  I  can't understand what went on in the Garden, but I know it was an act of love.  I know that the Savior kneeled before his Father and suffered the pains and sins of the world, and our Father loved us so much, he allowed him to suffer the greatest suffering this world has ever known! "For God so loved the world,that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth  in him should not perish, but have everlasting life"(John 3:16).  And second, when the Savior had suffered in the Garden, been beaten, scourged, spit upon, and nailed to and hung on a cross, he cried out "Eli Eli, lama sanachthani? That is to say my God My god! why hast thou forsaken me?" In Hebrew this phrasing has an intimate tone,  maybe meaning, " Daddy, Daddy".  Our Savior called upon his Father for help, I'm sure with tears in his eyes.  The same as I did to my Father, and my sweet kids do to me,   In moments of pain , sorrow grief or fear, we need our Daddy!  Now, I am not saying that I have any clue what my Savior went through, I'm just saying the love between a Father and his children is special!!! Happy Father's Day to all the amazing Dads, uncles, brothers, grandpas, guardians, anyone who plays the role of a Father figure!! You are Loved!!  Thank you all for your love, support and prayers! Til we meet again!  We got this!!!

"Because of Him"

April 27th 2013 was a year ago today.  It was a Saturday and I was getting ready to play in a golf tournament with my brother Daniel.  We love to golf, especially with family.  I woke up excited, jumped into the shower, and my day quickly changed from a mindset of, "what score will win it" or "lets go low" to "what is this huge lump in my armpit"?  My world changed.  In the blink of an eye, it seemed, I was meeting with doctors, having surgeries, waiting on results, more doctors, scans, etc. etc.!  I was diagnosed with advanced stage IV melanoma, and it was in my brain!  I started Radiation, Chemo, and infusion treatments.  I got sick, I lost a lot of weight, I was in bed all day, I had to go to Huntsman for many appointments and for some emergencies, hospitals, new doctors, no appetite, trying to eat but couldn't, putting water on my lips and getting nauseas, being so dizzy and fatigued that trips to the bathroom were a nightmare, fever, scarred, emotional.  Scary time frames or averages concerning how much "time" I had left.  I have cancer, I fought and fight hard, I knew that somehow, someway, even in the darkest moments, that this wasn't it.  Now, with all the above being said, I wouldn't change it for the world!  I saw miracles!  My life is a miracle, I had spiritual experiences that have strengthened me and lifted me.  My wife and I have had so many tender experiences.  I have seen my family come together, perhaps like no other time in our lives and grow and help me! I saw wards, new and old, show me service like I haven't ever felt, an entire community supporting me and my fight.  I saw employers, blessing my life and my families, and love me like their own.  I saw and felt the Hand of my Brother, Jesus Christ carry me, never leaving my side.  I wouldn't change any of it, it has made me better, I hope permanently!  :) 

My recent scans came back great!  There is some "new" junk that showed up in my bowels that my Dr. is 99% sure isn't cancer, but will watch closely.  I haven't gained much weight back, if any, but I'm getting stronger.  I go to the gym, I eat healthier.  I had to get cancer to get my rear in shape, and my body is more of a temple to me now than any other time in my life.  Cancer caught me off guard, it came at a time in my life when I was very unhealthy.  Worst shape of my life.  It whooped me....big time!!  Now, I have a reason.  I took life for granted, I let my body go, my health go, even having a wife and kids didn't shape me up.   But, if the cancer comes back for some more fights, I'm going to do all that I can to have my body ready!!

We just celebrated Easter.  Candy, and eggs and bunnies, etc!  But we try and focus on the Resurrection of our Savior!  I love knowing that I will live again after this life and be with my sweet wife and kids for eternity!  I love the story of Jesus visiting the tomb when Mary is there.  I cant imagine the feelings she had.  He wouldn't let her touch him yet because he hadn't visited the Father yet.  But my favorite phrase in the scriptures of this story is right after he says he needs to visit his Father.  "go to my brethren and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father and to your Father, and to my God and to your God". (John 20:17)In this simple verse we learn, not only are we all children of a loving Heavenly Father who is God, but the Savior of all mankind, who suffered and died for our sins, pains, and heartaches, is indeed our Brother!  My Brother!  I know my battle isn't over, but "because of Him, I'm not afraid of death, because of Him I can be a husband and Daddy forever, because of Him I can be clean, because of Him I can do hard things, because of Him I have faith, because of Him I will fight and endure, because of Him I have EVERYTHING!!" Thank you for your faith, prayers, fasting and love for my family and I!!!  Til we meet again!!  We got this!!
   
    

Do you love me?

The last little while has been a little frustrating health wise but awesome in other aspects of my life.  My last scans looked good, the disease is inactive.  I want to be clear what this means in my situation with my diagnosis. I have advanced stage lV melanoma, it will always stay that stage or worse and it will always be in my body. It's a " ninja" cancer as my doctor put it.  We don't know how it got there, we don't know where it sometimes goes, and the scary part, we don't know when it will come back, and how aggressively.  So, I TRY to live life with a smile, and a positive attitude about what's ahead for our little family.  Not knowing if you got into a certain college, or not knowing if you got the job, is so stressful!  Not knowing how long you have to live is without description.  I am committed to being a better person NO MATTER WHAT!  That's all I can do.  I need your prayers, I need your faith.  I'm living the miracle that all of you created for me, it wasn't supposed to happen like this but faith and miracles are real!!  The past few months we have followed families who have lost loved ones to cancer.  Some I know, others I didn't.  I'm amazed at the strength of the family unit that allowed these amazing individuals to lift someone who lost there soul mate, eternal companion, sweetheart, Daddy, son, brother, whatever.  It gives me hope, that if I'm called home early, I have a family that can lift my wife and kids, so that we will without a doubt reunite in the kingdom of Heaven!!  I'm inspired by you special people who have suffered tremendous loss!!!

When the Savior was crucified and resurrected, he left his disciples alone.  They asked, " what do we do now"? They decided to go back to fishing.  They struggled, heard a voice.  Peter lept from the boat and ran to shore.  The Master asked Peter, "do you love me more than all of this"? Peter answered, " yeah lord thou knowest  I love thee"! Two more times the Savior asked two more times Peter replied,  then the Savior asked "then why are we here on this same shore, by these same boats, having this same conversation, wasn't it clear then and isn't it clear now if I want fish I can get fish?  What I need are disciples and I need them forever, I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me!"  I love this exchange because I substitute Peters name for mine.  "Tom, do you love me?" My answer is YES!!!! And I don't know how long I have to live, but I will do whatever I can for as long as I can to prove it, the crowning characteristic of love is loyalty!! Loyal to his name, words, church, and everything he lived for!!  My friends and family and supporters, "do you love him?"  Thank you for your amazing support and love!  Till we meet again!!! We got this!!!!

Holidays

The holidays were quite a bit different than any other I experienced! When I was diagnosed 7 months ago, I was given some pretty scary statistics and percentages.  I was given the average length of life of someone with my diagnosis.  So I tried to absorb as much as I could.  Thanksgiving was special, almost every single one of my brothers and sisters, spouses, and children went to my parents house, (their are 11 children and tons of grand kids) it was special for me, I needed to be with my loved ones.  We had a special testimony meeting and the spirit testified to my family that we had truly experienced a miracle in our family.  Not many dry eyes and I will cherish that memory.  Then Christmas comes which is so fun and special in our family.  I love Christmas!  As we come into the new year, my wife asked me what my resolution would be.  I said " to live"!  And what I mean is I don't know how many Holiday seasons I have left, I don't know when I'll hear testimonies from all my brothers and sisters again, I heard my parents speak in church and it was amazing.  Was this the last time?  They hadn't spoke in years and years.  I want to live the best life I can, I want to be an example to my kids, family, and friends!  If the doctors first diagnosis on my length of life(which has changed because a miracle happened and my scans have been great) I would only have 5 months left in this mortal life.  Well, I'm going to live the next 10 plus years like I have only five months to live.  What if we all did?  How much of our time would be dedicated to family and "real" priorities?  How many of us would turn more fully to our Heavenly Father And his Son?  What would we change?  Who would we want to be with?  This year, I'm going to live, live like no other!  I am so thankful for the blessings, family, friends, faith, miracles, prayers and much, much more!  I love you all!! Til we meet again!!!   Happy Holidays!  Make 2014 special.........I am!!!!!!

How do we see other people?

The purpose for this post comes from a few different things.  First, I have white hair from my treatments and I have really noticed people doing double takes if I don't wear a hat.  Almost wanting to ask me why I have white hair, did I do it on purpose or thinking I messed my dye job up because there is a very distinct line on my neck that goes from white to brown.  I would actually rather just have someone ask, than look three times" :))). The second thing that brought me to this topic is the reaction I would personally get when I would go out of my way at Huntsman and ask someone how their day was going.  I remember a little frail lady in a wheelchair looked at me like I was crazy but realized I was gonna wait for an answer.  She finally smiled and said "I'm doing ok today". I loved it! I don't do it enough though. Why?  Why don't I say hi to everyone?  Why don't I notice someone that looks unhappy and ask how their day is?  I know it's Sunday schoolish, but aren't we all brothers and sisters?

Consider this quote by an individual who spent significant time in a prison camp:

"I can no longer condemn or hate a brother for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me.  His face, hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me, is transformed into the countenance of a brother for whom Christ died, the face of a forgiven sinner". When this man died, the doctor said, " I have hardly ever seen a man die to entirely submissive to the will of God!!"

Elder Holland said " consider how much happier our modern communities would be if we served rather than sued"!  Obviously he is posing the same question another way, why don't we take care of people?  Now I'm not saying there is no service or kindness, because there is enormous amounts of that, I will testify to that forever, but I know I'm missing the mark.  I was at dinner with a good friend and he said something very sweet and true.  He said that if the Savior were here today, or show up for our ward services we would most likely be shocked at who he would want to visit with because we put so much stock into callings, status etc.  He would want to be with the humble, those in pain, those who are heartbroken and devastated.  He would want to wipe tears, and put his arms around those who just arent sure whose they are.  He would want to heal and lift.  But to individuals that we might ignore everyday, or pay little attention to.  We need to pray hard for ourselves but also pray hard for those who despise us.  Easier sad than done, right? :) .  Of course it is, anything that allows us to have  significant growth is hard or stretches us, that's why we're here!! I have been blessed to have people stretch to comfort me, just by saying "hi" or "how are you doing today"?  Kindness and love can heal many things.  Try it!  Thank you for all the love, support, and prayers!!  Til we meet again!!

You never know!

Well, it has been a long while since I have shared my words, and I have had many come and go.  I apologize if I ramble a bit.To start with, a few weeks ago I had a pretty good scan that I don't want to get into but it was a huge blessing in my family and myself!  I cant thank enough people for their prayers and fasting and thought and love. Its been too much to handle!  we all love you.

We also had a passing of a close friend.  It was sudden and heartbreaking, she was young and left behind an amazing husband and 3 beautiful girls.  the service was so special and it confirmed to me that this life is just the beginning, families are forever and you cant take that away from this sweet family. we love this family and our hearts will always go out to them.

"The most important cause of our lifetime is our families.  If we will devote ourselves to this cause, we will improve every other aspect of our lives and will become, as a people and as a church, an example and a beacon for all the people of the earth!" -M. Russell Ballard

It was a little humbling and emotional for me to be at the viewing and the funeral because a flood of emotions takes over me and it starts too look very real to me, especially when my clock is ticking. but I was comforted, I also believe in the doctrine of eternal families, and its not just a happy though, its part of my eternal testimony of this and many other truths that I am so thankful for.

The past few months, a few things have made a huge imprint on me and I have decided that there are 3 things that get me through this and give me strength to go on.

#1 service from others, this can be so many things, I will give a few small examples.  Two young men who are brothers, who NEVER miss mowing my lawn once a week.  They don't think its a huge deal but it is, I cant do it now, and I like a mowed lawn.  Next, the company that I work for has an annual company golf tourney.  This year, because they truly love me, they turned it into a Team Tommy fundraiser, and I was blown away at the support and donations.  My elders quorum pres. out serving, doing visits decided to make an extra stop at the Henrys, not knowing I had a really tough week and lifted me.  if someone feels bad, serve them, if you feel bad serve someone, if your feeling blessed, serve.  If you feel like everything is going wrong, serve!!!

#2 Family.  What in the world would I do without them?  from wife and kids to parents and all of my siblings and everything in between. I have been lifted in more ways than I can count.  I calls, texts, emails and cards every  week.  wanting to take out kids so my wife and I could just sleep.  They want to bring food, or messages or just come see how there brother is doing.  I have a big family, and I'm lucky to have each and every one of them.   I love them so much. My sweet Mother, and this is personal, but she came to me one day, emotional and said to me that if she could, she would take my place in a heart beat.  It was so tender, and she meant it.  However, with what I've seen, heard, read, witnessed, I wouldn't give this up!  That might sound strange.  Cancer stinks!  But my journey with my Father in Heaven and my family has been amazing!!

# Is my Eternal Brother.  Now, I write this with the most respect I can.  He has carried me through this!!  I love him, and I know without a doubt he died for me so that my burdens, right now, could be lighter.  I have a picture, by my bed of Him, and the artist did such an amazing job with the eyes.  I cant tell you how many times I look at that picture for comfort, peace, reassurance, hope, help, and just to say thanks.

I'm fighting........like we all are with something.  Something hard no doubt.  Let us keep these three things close to the heart.  You have NO idea who is waiting for your, love, service or comfort.  Thank you all, you make my days so much better.  "Til we meet again"