I would be very ungrateful if I didn't first say Thank You to EVERYONE!! I can't even express the love, kindness, generosity, support, words, and prayers. It has lifted and sustained my life and has significantly blessed my wife and kids!! I love you all!!
It's been an amazing few days and I have learned how selfless people are, people willing to do everything for someone else! How do you thank people like that, how do you give back? I'm so in the hole with saying thank you, or sending my love to people the I feel unworthy of my blessings. I was able to go to dinner and secure an eternal friendship with some very amazing people, I graduated the first bout of radiation!!!!! Get that mask away from me!!! I went up to a fundraiser in Ogden at a crossfit gym, and I was blown away, not only at the physical specimens, but at there love and support to me and my family, they treated me like a brother, they hugged me, they cried with me, they took their bodies to the limit and came straight to me and hugged me. People who didn't need to be there, people that finished not matter what for me, a little sister who went absolutely beast mode to finish and she did with tears in her eyes and I was able to cry with her and thank her!! I had my wife and kids going through heck and didn't stop, didn't quit!! How do you thank someone for that?
I was able to go through the Temple with some family members and it was one of the most spiritual and emotional sessions!! Families are forever!!!! It was Father's Day and I got to think of my amazing Dad who has done everything in his power to make my life better. I got to look at MY fatherhood, how stinking blessed I am, 4 amazing children who have changed my life and giving me my supreme honor of being a Father!!! I also got to think of my Heavenly Father, I can't even begin to express my love and humility! I was able to go to work a few times for a bit, I love my company, I am part of their family and they make me feel that way! I started Chemo with my infusion, met with the Dr. and he was very, very pleased with my attitude and progress!! It was a busy few days!!
Now, the question my family and I are asked a bunch ( usually behind my back)!! " How are you REALLY doing?? You know, like I'm lying or faking, :))! I'm going to get personal for minute and I apologize. When I say "I'm good". I mean it! Let me tell you why. I am a child of God and he has sent me here, I'm an offspring of Deity! I agreed to ANYTHING The Lord would put in my path because the only way I can be like Him is to go through my trials like he wants me too, with Faith, with Hope, with integrity! With courage!! I have cancer, but people go through MUCH, MUCH worse and I would be an ungrateful servant to pout and whine about myself!! I'm honored, that my Eternal Father in Heaven trusts little old me, with this opportunity to grow, see miracles, have my family unified, meet heroes who have battled long before myself, flip my world upside down to see what life, family, and the eternities are really all about! I cannot and WILL NOT throw my hands in the air and say "why me?" I am not going to disgrace the Plan of Happiness that I agreed to!! My family, my wife, my kids, my friends and many others are watching, it is my obligation to "lift where I stand!!" I'm not in this alone, not for a second!! So, for anyone wondering, "how are you Really doing?"" I am a Child of God, I have NOTHING to complain about!! I love you all!! WE GOT THIS!!!
My Family
Friday, June 21, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
S.T.A.N.D.
A few years ago my amazing daughter blew me away with an idea where her and her friends wanted to set some very high goals that they had to really work and strive for to achieve. They had categories of service, scripture study and memorization, temple attendance, service projects, etc. The challenge was called S.T.A.N.D. Which means "Stay True And Never Doubt"!! I loved it , they worked there tails off and I immediately saw a difference in my daughters attitude and personality, she was doing things that made her a better person, she was changing! I was so proud of her and her friends and they were a huge example to many!!
I have thought of the STAND concept many, many times since then. I have thought that with the garbage, heartache, pain, discouragement, etc, that this life throws at us,what if we all choose to STAND?? Stay True And Never Doubt? Can we do this? What does it even mean? First, Stay True. You can't stay anywhere, until to are already there. To stay fit, you must get fit, to stay spiritual, you must get spiritual, to stay strong minded, you must get strong minded. So, to Stay True, you just become true, find and keep standards, honor your name and your family name with integrity, take a stance, be a leader that doesn't falter......Stay True!! Next, Never Doubt! Wen you are true, and you are living that life, Never Doubt!! Never doubt that people are watching and will help, never doubt that people want and need someone to follow, never doubt that you WILL be lifted in moments of pain and trial! Never doubt, that when the going gets rough, and you feel like your life is falling apart, you will be carried because you FIRST, chose to STAND!!! It's easy for me to write this, because I have seen people STAND in my life and I have been touched and humbled!! I have had individuals, with hard exteriors, STAND and tell me they love me and are sorry for my trials, I have looked into people's eyes where I could see they had so much pain in their own lives, smile at me with a melting smile and allowed me to feel their love, I have seen individuals STAND for me even financially, when I know that pennies are being pinched for them! My perspective in life is different, life is fragile and my kids need people who they grow up watching do things that are pure and good! We need to lift others if they can't STAND, and stay with them until they can do it on there own, and once they can we find another, and lift them! I can't express what my family has seen, felt, and witnessed! I am deciding to STAND! Please, all of you amazing people in my corner, keep STANDING, the world is good because of you! Let's STAND together, if a handful of 12 year old girls can do it, we all can!!! S.T.A.N.D.!!! I love you all!! We got this!!
I have thought of the STAND concept many, many times since then. I have thought that with the garbage, heartache, pain, discouragement, etc, that this life throws at us,what if we all choose to STAND?? Stay True And Never Doubt? Can we do this? What does it even mean? First, Stay True. You can't stay anywhere, until to are already there. To stay fit, you must get fit, to stay spiritual, you must get spiritual, to stay strong minded, you must get strong minded. So, to Stay True, you just become true, find and keep standards, honor your name and your family name with integrity, take a stance, be a leader that doesn't falter......Stay True!! Next, Never Doubt! Wen you are true, and you are living that life, Never Doubt!! Never doubt that people are watching and will help, never doubt that people want and need someone to follow, never doubt that you WILL be lifted in moments of pain and trial! Never doubt, that when the going gets rough, and you feel like your life is falling apart, you will be carried because you FIRST, chose to STAND!!! It's easy for me to write this, because I have seen people STAND in my life and I have been touched and humbled!! I have had individuals, with hard exteriors, STAND and tell me they love me and are sorry for my trials, I have looked into people's eyes where I could see they had so much pain in their own lives, smile at me with a melting smile and allowed me to feel their love, I have seen individuals STAND for me even financially, when I know that pennies are being pinched for them! My perspective in life is different, life is fragile and my kids need people who they grow up watching do things that are pure and good! We need to lift others if they can't STAND, and stay with them until they can do it on there own, and once they can we find another, and lift them! I can't express what my family has seen, felt, and witnessed! I am deciding to STAND! Please, all of you amazing people in my corner, keep STANDING, the world is good because of you! Let's STAND together, if a handful of 12 year old girls can do it, we all can!!! S.T.A.N.D.!!! I love you all!! We got this!!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
I'm ready now!
I want to start off this entry by first thanking so many people who allowed my wife and I to get away for a night and then come back to an "upgraded" bedroom which feels so warm to be in.....my amazing family! They have gone above and beyond the call! Thank you and I love you!!!
While my wife and I were away for a night we had a chance to go to a movie. This movie is not a box office explosion or well known, it's not one that many people will see. As a matter of fact we saw it because it was the only one playing at the time we could go. It's called Ephraim's Rescue. It's a church movie and I'm so glad we went. It's a story of a man who went to rescue one of the handcart company's that got caught in the winter. It was so humbling to see what people went through to make my life better so many years later. There was a scene that I loved, a group of men were assembled and were asked who could go help this company, men, woman, and children, caught in the snow. One man strongly said " I can get prepared and be ready Thursday", another man said "I can be ready in 3 days", both very willing to go and very sincere. However, Ephraim raised his hand and with amazing conviction said " Brother, I am ready NOW!" It was strange the flood of emotion that came over we at that moment and as I write this now, am I ready now to help? To grow? To follow the right path? For hard things? For blessings? If I were called right this minute to do something hard or inconvenient, would I say " I'm ready next Thursday", or do I stand, put everything aside and say " I'm ready NOW"? I know that the past month I have had hundreds of people through their efforts, service, and love show me and my family that they are ready.....NOW!! I'm so grateful for those people, who have made it a priority in there lives to be ready, who are looking for ways to serve, who put aside their own comforts to "be ready". I want to be like so many of you, and I am determined to "get ready" for anything that I am called to do!! Thank you all, I love you deeply! We got this!!!
While my wife and I were away for a night we had a chance to go to a movie. This movie is not a box office explosion or well known, it's not one that many people will see. As a matter of fact we saw it because it was the only one playing at the time we could go. It's called Ephraim's Rescue. It's a church movie and I'm so glad we went. It's a story of a man who went to rescue one of the handcart company's that got caught in the winter. It was so humbling to see what people went through to make my life better so many years later. There was a scene that I loved, a group of men were assembled and were asked who could go help this company, men, woman, and children, caught in the snow. One man strongly said " I can get prepared and be ready Thursday", another man said "I can be ready in 3 days", both very willing to go and very sincere. However, Ephraim raised his hand and with amazing conviction said " Brother, I am ready NOW!" It was strange the flood of emotion that came over we at that moment and as I write this now, am I ready now to help? To grow? To follow the right path? For hard things? For blessings? If I were called right this minute to do something hard or inconvenient, would I say " I'm ready next Thursday", or do I stand, put everything aside and say " I'm ready NOW"? I know that the past month I have had hundreds of people through their efforts, service, and love show me and my family that they are ready.....NOW!! I'm so grateful for those people, who have made it a priority in there lives to be ready, who are looking for ways to serve, who put aside their own comforts to "be ready". I want to be like so many of you, and I am determined to "get ready" for anything that I am called to do!! Thank you all, I love you deeply! We got this!!!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
This is just a test.......
There are few things as annoying as watching your favorite tv show or game and you get the "test" the loud, horrible beeps followed by a voice telling me that this is a test, and if it were not a test we would get instructions, blah, blah, blah......! However, it's interesting how those few words have such a powerful meaning" "this is just a test"!
How cool would it be if during our life, when we just finished doing something dumb, or that we regret, we had a voice tell us " this is just a test", followed by instructions on what to do! But even more helpful would be during the darkest, scariest, loneliest hours of our life, we had someone, or something calmly say the phrase, but personalized it by putting your name at the beginning. For example, I have had a rough month, scary, confusing.....but to know that I have someone who could and would say to me........."Tom, this is just a test and here is how you get through it and this is what you're supposed to do"! Think about that, think about what we are doing here, what we spend our time doing, going through our routines etc. But, inevitably we ALL have an emergency, we all come to point where we need help. We all, deep down long for the voice, we need it, we want someone to calm us down and give us instruction on how to overcome it. This IS part of the test, we are here for a reason, find what that is if you haven't, know that we have the power to be the voice to others!! Listen for the voice from others, reminding you about the test. Help one another, lift one another. To all my friends and family, listen to the voice, the Eternal voice, from one who loves us , who will never leave your side, who warns and reminds of of our individual test and how to triumph and instructions to grow, and go on! I know this is a test, and I'm thankful for so many voices telling me what we all want and need to hear......."Tom, my son, this is just a test"!!!! Thank you for your support and love, I love you all! We got this!!!
How cool would it be if during our life, when we just finished doing something dumb, or that we regret, we had a voice tell us " this is just a test", followed by instructions on what to do! But even more helpful would be during the darkest, scariest, loneliest hours of our life, we had someone, or something calmly say the phrase, but personalized it by putting your name at the beginning. For example, I have had a rough month, scary, confusing.....but to know that I have someone who could and would say to me........."Tom, this is just a test and here is how you get through it and this is what you're supposed to do"! Think about that, think about what we are doing here, what we spend our time doing, going through our routines etc. But, inevitably we ALL have an emergency, we all come to point where we need help. We all, deep down long for the voice, we need it, we want someone to calm us down and give us instruction on how to overcome it. This IS part of the test, we are here for a reason, find what that is if you haven't, know that we have the power to be the voice to others!! Listen for the voice from others, reminding you about the test. Help one another, lift one another. To all my friends and family, listen to the voice, the Eternal voice, from one who loves us , who will never leave your side, who warns and reminds of of our individual test and how to triumph and instructions to grow, and go on! I know this is a test, and I'm thankful for so many voices telling me what we all want and need to hear......."Tom, my son, this is just a test"!!!! Thank you for your support and love, I love you all! We got this!!!
Sunday, May 26, 2013
There's no crying in baseball!
"There's no crying in baseball", I feel like one of Tom Hanks best lines ever! It's from the movie A League of Their Own, and there is a scene where one of his players comes into the dugout from making a bad play and the coach (Tom Hanks) scolds hers in a funny but mean way, as he walks away he notices she starts to cry and says, " are you, crying, are you crying, ..........There's no crying in baseball!!!!!!!" I love it and chuckle every time I see. Well, that has become my new phrase I use to family. " there's no crying in Team Tommy"! It's meant to be light and funny, and I understand the tears from my loved ones, I have had some tears myself, but my point in saying that is because we can't control the uncontrollable, meaning, why worry about something that may or may not happen, why lead a sad life, or get upset, or put things on hold? Control what we can control. I have cancer, it was out of my control, but I can control if I want to be happy, laugh, smile, go on, fight, forgive, forget, repent, teach, love, sleep(haha), hope, want, desire, dream, study, build, play, grow, etc. I want my loved ones to express themselves however they want, even if if means crying, but its hard to cry if we take a few moments out of our day, EVERY day and really, really count your blessings, the cry will turn into a cry of gratitude and thankfulness once we realize it!
I am so gratefully for what I have. In a selfish way, my diagnosis has blessed me with amazing experiences, put special people in my life, given me special, spiritual moments. I'm seeing things and people as with a new set of eyes. My wife isn't my wife, she's the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and she is truly my eternal companion, I want to be by her side ALWAYS. My kids are not my kids, they are the source for my purest joy and love, they are my God given responsibility to raise, nurture, love and build, they are my babies and my eternal family. All family isn't just family, they are rocks in my foundation of strength, they are a love and support group. They are selfless, they are fighters and friends. They are my everything! Friends aren't just friends, they are an extension of what I hope for, they love me through good or bad, they fight FOR me and lift me up when I am too weak to do it! The gospel isn't just nice stories and warm fuzzies to me, it's Everything! It's what makes miracles happen, it's what allows me to be strong and have a clear perspective of the eternities, it's the means for me to have relationships with my Heavenly Family, and it's the reason I can know that I have a Brother who KNOWS what I am going through and has already asked me to place my burden on Him. I am humbled but I am strong because of my amazing support team. Team Tommy isn't just a cute name, it lifts me, it helps me, it humbles me!! Thank you everybody, I love you all!! There's no crying in Team Tommy, well, maybe a little!! We got this!!!
I am so gratefully for what I have. In a selfish way, my diagnosis has blessed me with amazing experiences, put special people in my life, given me special, spiritual moments. I'm seeing things and people as with a new set of eyes. My wife isn't my wife, she's the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and she is truly my eternal companion, I want to be by her side ALWAYS. My kids are not my kids, they are the source for my purest joy and love, they are my God given responsibility to raise, nurture, love and build, they are my babies and my eternal family. All family isn't just family, they are rocks in my foundation of strength, they are a love and support group. They are selfless, they are fighters and friends. They are my everything! Friends aren't just friends, they are an extension of what I hope for, they love me through good or bad, they fight FOR me and lift me up when I am too weak to do it! The gospel isn't just nice stories and warm fuzzies to me, it's Everything! It's what makes miracles happen, it's what allows me to be strong and have a clear perspective of the eternities, it's the means for me to have relationships with my Heavenly Family, and it's the reason I can know that I have a Brother who KNOWS what I am going through and has already asked me to place my burden on Him. I am humbled but I am strong because of my amazing support team. Team Tommy isn't just a cute name, it lifts me, it helps me, it humbles me!! Thank you everybody, I love you all!! There's no crying in Team Tommy, well, maybe a little!! We got this!!!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Huntsman visit #2
Yesterday was a looooong day! We were at Huntsman all day long, blood drawn multiple times for tests, met with a bunch of doctors, nurses, counsel ours, had my radiation mask made which was a smudge uncomfortable etc. It was a little overwhelming and draining. I start radiation today and next week I start infusions for 12 weeks, for the first level of treatment that isn't radiation. There are some side affects, depending once again how MY body reacts.
It seems like I have a very long road ahead of me to try and find the combo of treatment that my body responds best to. So it's on!! Continued prayers are much appreciated.
The counselor afterwards was telling me ways to cope, or deal with this disease ( I honestly was NOT in the mood :), but I listened and she said some good stuff. She asked me if I believe in a religion or a higher power. I didn't hear a word after that because my mind instantly thought that not only do I believe in a " higher power", I know that I have a Heavenly Father who know my name, loves me, is mindful of the trials I am going through, blesses me, comforts me with arms around me, sustains me through dark moments, etc. I believe in family, and that no matter what happens, I have my family forever, what an amazing comfort. I know that my Heavenly Father has put people in my life for RIGHT NOW! I know that He has given me mercy, shown miracles and strengthened hundreds who are concerned with me and praying for me. If I didn't believe what I believe or KNOW, this whole process would be a nightmare and scary. It's not though, it's a trial that I have to get through with the help of my " higher power", my Father in Heaven. I'm so grateful for that reality. I love you all, thank you for your support, prayers, kind words and service. It is truly AMAZIN!!! We got this!!!
It seems like I have a very long road ahead of me to try and find the combo of treatment that my body responds best to. So it's on!! Continued prayers are much appreciated.
The counselor afterwards was telling me ways to cope, or deal with this disease ( I honestly was NOT in the mood :), but I listened and she said some good stuff. She asked me if I believe in a religion or a higher power. I didn't hear a word after that because my mind instantly thought that not only do I believe in a " higher power", I know that I have a Heavenly Father who know my name, loves me, is mindful of the trials I am going through, blesses me, comforts me with arms around me, sustains me through dark moments, etc. I believe in family, and that no matter what happens, I have my family forever, what an amazing comfort. I know that my Heavenly Father has put people in my life for RIGHT NOW! I know that He has given me mercy, shown miracles and strengthened hundreds who are concerned with me and praying for me. If I didn't believe what I believe or KNOW, this whole process would be a nightmare and scary. It's not though, it's a trial that I have to get through with the help of my " higher power", my Father in Heaven. I'm so grateful for that reality. I love you all, thank you for your support, prayers, kind words and service. It is truly AMAZIN!!! We got this!!!
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Huntsman visit #1
It's time for an update. I met with one of my oncologists today at Huntsman for the first time, and I must say, it was very positive. They had my MRI with them and he counted 40+ growths of melanoma formed in my brain, a few more than we thought, :) but it doesn't change the goal and determination I have towards it. We have a planning session with two oncologists to set up a treatment plan for the growths in my shoulder, neck, and stomach, but I will begin radiation for my brain on Thursday. I am going to lose my hair :), not a huge deal as I have shaved my head multiple times in my day. The symptoms aren't horrible, for the most part, obviously everyone reacts different but it should be pretty tolerable. After my radiation treatments, the other treatments, ( chemo, etc.) begins. At this time no more surgery is needed. (Fingers crossed)!
The doctor said today, " melanoma is tricky, we don't try to cure the disease, we try and control it." I've thought about that a bunch today, I feel like I have been put in this position for a reason. I am not quite sure what that is, but I have had a special spirit with me the past couple weeks that has been so special and needed. My amazing brother in law sent me this quote:
"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that The Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for everlasting benefit." -Richard G. Scott
I love this so much, I feel blessed and almost honored that I have a chance to grow and become a better man through this trial. I love that I can spend so much time focused on my little family, feeling the love of so many, and watching the many miracles in my life. Thank you for your support! We got this!!
The doctor said today, " melanoma is tricky, we don't try to cure the disease, we try and control it." I've thought about that a bunch today, I feel like I have been put in this position for a reason. I am not quite sure what that is, but I have had a special spirit with me the past couple weeks that has been so special and needed. My amazing brother in law sent me this quote:
"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that The Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for everlasting benefit." -Richard G. Scott
I love this so much, I feel blessed and almost honored that I have a chance to grow and become a better man through this trial. I love that I can spend so much time focused on my little family, feeling the love of so many, and watching the many miracles in my life. Thank you for your support! We got this!!
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