It's been quite a while, a long while. I want to apologize to so many people who have been supporting me. I am healthy. The past year or so has been pretty mellow as far as Cancer is concerned. A couple ugly moles, a few seizures/mini-strokes. But overall, I feel healthy and strong. It is always concerning the few days leading up to scans, but I will take than ANY day of the week over a recurrence. I'm content and I love my family! I know the odds are against me, I know the statistics, I know the percentages, etc. It doesn't matter, it really doesn't. "I have the Faith to NOT be healed"-Bednar. I have been inspired by other people, friends, neighbors, and family members who have gone through their own horrible trials!! We are strong. We really can do hard things, every single one of us! I hope you all know that.
The title of this post is "I Stand All Amazed", one of the most powerful hymns regarding the Atonement of my Savior! I am at peace because I Stand All Amazed! I have grown to know my Savior in a personal way and in a Sacred way that is too personal to talk about. I know He lives!
Christmas is a time to be with family and friends and eat and watch football and open presents and on and on!! But let us all remember that Christ was born "Away in a Manger" so that he could suffer, die and then be resurrected....."Oh It is Wonderful, Wonderful to me"! Merry Christmas!!
My Family
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Team Tommy Golf Tourney
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Faith
I apologize, it has been a little while. A few things have happened since I last posted. I have been having scans every 3 or 4 months for awhile now. On Monday, my birthday I had scans again and on Tuesday the day of the results the scans were clean....again! They also moved me out to 6 months instead of 3 or 4! It is amazing news......right? At least it should be. I am overwhelmed with what has happened since I was told I have a year to live!! I really am. It is really tough for my mind to wrap around the fact that I had over 100 tumors in my brain, was supposed to have an extremely shortened life, and now there is NED (no evidence of disease) Nothing is there! My Doctor said he had to go back to my older scans to remember how bad it really was. A miracle! There is no other explanation to it. It is a MIRACLE!! I believe this with all my heart. I know this is true. Now, that being said, I wasn't as "excited" as i should have been when I saw the scans, I was confused and I even felt more anxiety when I was told the scans will be moved out 6 months. All the "what ifs" enter my mind. What if It comes back in a month and I don't have scan for 5 more months and its too late? What if I get another form of cancer because my immune system is off? You know, things like that. After I met with my Doctor about scan results, I met with a psychiatrist, It was OK but he did say something that did make a little sense, he said "many times, patients who have gone through the extreme roller-coaster of emotions and ups and downs, struggle just as much after cancer as they do during cancer, they feel like a ticking time bomb". I was told I have to manage my stress? Um, OK. Manage my stress? I have cancer and will always be considered stage 4, I just found out two weeks ago that my heart has some issues, which we learned about after I had a stroke! So, manage my stress? Good one!! :-) The reason I bring all this up because the answer to having success and getting through any situation we are in is Faith! Faith that my loving Heavenly Father and his Son, know exactly what we are going through, and can and always will lift us through our lives, which are sometimes really, REALLY hard! I know I have been lifted, even carried through my trials and pain, and frustration and sorrow, but I know that my Heavenly Father doesn't give me anything I cant handle, gracefully and courageously, with His love and help! I can do hard things, I really can, and so can all of you! I will continue to fight whatever this mortal live throws at me, because it helps us grow and refines our spirits. All that is expected of us is to lift someone else, who is struggling or hurting!! Pay it forward! I am sorry I am rambling but I have had a lot on my mind! Thank you all for your love, prayers, support, and Faith! We Got this! Til we meet again!!
Sunday, December 21, 2014
I Love Christmas
Well, I'm back!! It's been a little while but I need to post something, especially with all the amazing things I have gone through and of course, it's Christmas!!! I first want to tell everyone who follows my family and has prayed, fasted, donated, emailed, called, and just loved us, Thank You!! One thing I have tried to do but know that I cannot do, is express how grateful I am to have so many amazing people in my corner!! I truly love all of you!
I had scans the Monday before thanksgiving and they came back strong. What I mean is, there is no sign of active disease. Although I will always be labeled as a "advanced stage IV patient, I've decided I'm ok with that because I'm strong, healthy and happy. My oncologist is awesome and to this day can't really explain what happened. He has used my story with other patients and at conferences he goes to. He is humble enough to know it's not just him and I'm blessed enough to know that my doctor is an instrument in the Lords hands! The next two years will determine a lot for the longevity of my life. It's interesting something I heard from my man Ben Henry, someone I love, and appreciate, although we don't have the exact same religious beliefs, he's a great man. He is an owner at Mt. Ogden Crossfit and they have supported me from day one. When my sister told a few people at the gym that my scans were clean again, he said " of course they are, he has been healed !" I get emotional because of his faith. He believes I was completely healed, and it's because of him and hundreds and hundreds of faithful people like him, I have been healed, maybe only for another two years, 10 years or 50 years, or maybe forever, who knows. But as of right now, I AM healed!!
I love this Christmas. We have decided to do a lot of things different this year, a little more mellow with decorations and presents, etc. we have been lucky enough to have friends want the same thing........help more, serve more. It's been an amazing experience for myself, my wife, and my kids. We are feeling the true meaning of Christmas! My wife also wanted her and I to study more about the Savior during the weeks leading up to Christmas so we could appreciate His life much more. One of my favorite parts of the New Testament is obviously the example of our Savior, but specifically after he had fasted forty days and had been temped by satan. Surely the Savior was tired, hungry, thirsty, and physically and spiritually fatigued after this ordeal. The scriptures say angels ministerd unto him, but through modern day revelation we learn that, he knew that John the Baptist was cast into prison, so he sent angels to minister to John! This is how I want to be. Selfless. Pure love. Humble. Through the past year and a half I have been able to TRY and be better, serve more, and love more!
I'm doing well!! I want all of you to know that we can do hard things!!! We can get through anything, as a matter of fact, a lot more than we think we can. Fight, whatever it is you are struggling with, please fight, believe and be happy! I love you all and I love your support, friendships and faith! We Got this!! Until we meet again........Merry Christmas!!
I had scans the Monday before thanksgiving and they came back strong. What I mean is, there is no sign of active disease. Although I will always be labeled as a "advanced stage IV patient, I've decided I'm ok with that because I'm strong, healthy and happy. My oncologist is awesome and to this day can't really explain what happened. He has used my story with other patients and at conferences he goes to. He is humble enough to know it's not just him and I'm blessed enough to know that my doctor is an instrument in the Lords hands! The next two years will determine a lot for the longevity of my life. It's interesting something I heard from my man Ben Henry, someone I love, and appreciate, although we don't have the exact same religious beliefs, he's a great man. He is an owner at Mt. Ogden Crossfit and they have supported me from day one. When my sister told a few people at the gym that my scans were clean again, he said " of course they are, he has been healed !" I get emotional because of his faith. He believes I was completely healed, and it's because of him and hundreds and hundreds of faithful people like him, I have been healed, maybe only for another two years, 10 years or 50 years, or maybe forever, who knows. But as of right now, I AM healed!!
I love this Christmas. We have decided to do a lot of things different this year, a little more mellow with decorations and presents, etc. we have been lucky enough to have friends want the same thing........help more, serve more. It's been an amazing experience for myself, my wife, and my kids. We are feeling the true meaning of Christmas! My wife also wanted her and I to study more about the Savior during the weeks leading up to Christmas so we could appreciate His life much more. One of my favorite parts of the New Testament is obviously the example of our Savior, but specifically after he had fasted forty days and had been temped by satan. Surely the Savior was tired, hungry, thirsty, and physically and spiritually fatigued after this ordeal. The scriptures say angels ministerd unto him, but through modern day revelation we learn that, he knew that John the Baptist was cast into prison, so he sent angels to minister to John! This is how I want to be. Selfless. Pure love. Humble. Through the past year and a half I have been able to TRY and be better, serve more, and love more!
I'm doing well!! I want all of you to know that we can do hard things!!! We can get through anything, as a matter of fact, a lot more than we think we can. Fight, whatever it is you are struggling with, please fight, believe and be happy! I love you all and I love your support, friendships and faith! We Got this!! Until we meet again........Merry Christmas!!
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Fathers
Fathers Day has come and gone. Instagram and Facebook blown up with collages and amazing words to their Fathers. I love Father's Day, but recently, special days like Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas , anniversaries, etc, have taken on a different feeling. I feel I need to cherish these times a lot more than I used to. I want to share my feelings about three types of Fathers. My father, me being a father, and the relationship of my Savior and our Heavenly Father.
First, my Dad! I love my Dad. I have learned so much from my Dad. He's the most loving, giving, hard working man I know! We all say that but I really don't know of anybody like my Dad. He named me after him. When I was growing up and the phone rang, if someone asked for "Tom", the entire household would ask, " big Tom or Little Tom?" I'm honored to have his name! One of my biggest accomplishments as a teenager was when I beat him in an arm wrestle!!!! I've worked for him, I've seen him out work younger men every day, all day! Beast Mode! My Dad would give anything to take away the pains and heartaches of his wife, kids, and Grandchildren. Actually, he would try and help anyone and everyone! I love my Dad and I'm thankful I'm his son!!
Second, me as a Father! How can anyone put into words how they feel about their kids? I get emotional thinking about what they mean to me. It is truly a gift from Heaven to be a Father, and to have children who rely on you for EVERYTHING! I hurt for parents who have lost a child, or who have watched one of their precious little ones suffer. I can't imagine! As a father I have learned to love beyond anything I could have imagined, to protect, to teach, to comfort, to cry and to trust! My greatest calling if that of Father and I hope and pray that my kids know how much I love them and know I would do anything for them!
Finally, my Savior and Our Father! The reason we love our kids and our Fathers is because "he first loved us"! How truly special is this relationship? I want to focus on two amazing and eternal instances in this special relationship. First, the garden. I can't understand what went on in the Garden, but I know it was an act of love. I know that the Savior kneeled before his Father and suffered the pains and sins of the world, and our Father loved us so much, he allowed him to suffer the greatest suffering this world has ever known! "For God so loved the world,that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life"(John 3:16). And second, when the Savior had suffered in the Garden, been beaten, scourged, spit upon, and nailed to and hung on a cross, he cried out "Eli Eli, lama sanachthani? That is to say my God My god! why hast thou forsaken me?" In Hebrew this phrasing has an intimate tone, maybe meaning, " Daddy, Daddy". Our Savior called upon his Father for help, I'm sure with tears in his eyes. The same as I did to my Father, and my sweet kids do to me, In moments of pain , sorrow grief or fear, we need our Daddy! Now, I am not saying that I have any clue what my Savior went through, I'm just saying the love between a Father and his children is special!!! Happy Father's Day to all the amazing Dads, uncles, brothers, grandpas, guardians, anyone who plays the role of a Father figure!! You are Loved!! Thank you all for your love, support and prayers! Til we meet again! We got this!!!
First, my Dad! I love my Dad. I have learned so much from my Dad. He's the most loving, giving, hard working man I know! We all say that but I really don't know of anybody like my Dad. He named me after him. When I was growing up and the phone rang, if someone asked for "Tom", the entire household would ask, " big Tom or Little Tom?" I'm honored to have his name! One of my biggest accomplishments as a teenager was when I beat him in an arm wrestle!!!! I've worked for him, I've seen him out work younger men every day, all day! Beast Mode! My Dad would give anything to take away the pains and heartaches of his wife, kids, and Grandchildren. Actually, he would try and help anyone and everyone! I love my Dad and I'm thankful I'm his son!!
Second, me as a Father! How can anyone put into words how they feel about their kids? I get emotional thinking about what they mean to me. It is truly a gift from Heaven to be a Father, and to have children who rely on you for EVERYTHING! I hurt for parents who have lost a child, or who have watched one of their precious little ones suffer. I can't imagine! As a father I have learned to love beyond anything I could have imagined, to protect, to teach, to comfort, to cry and to trust! My greatest calling if that of Father and I hope and pray that my kids know how much I love them and know I would do anything for them!
Finally, my Savior and Our Father! The reason we love our kids and our Fathers is because "he first loved us"! How truly special is this relationship? I want to focus on two amazing and eternal instances in this special relationship. First, the garden. I can't understand what went on in the Garden, but I know it was an act of love. I know that the Savior kneeled before his Father and suffered the pains and sins of the world, and our Father loved us so much, he allowed him to suffer the greatest suffering this world has ever known! "For God so loved the world,that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life"(John 3:16). And second, when the Savior had suffered in the Garden, been beaten, scourged, spit upon, and nailed to and hung on a cross, he cried out "Eli Eli, lama sanachthani? That is to say my God My god! why hast thou forsaken me?" In Hebrew this phrasing has an intimate tone, maybe meaning, " Daddy, Daddy". Our Savior called upon his Father for help, I'm sure with tears in his eyes. The same as I did to my Father, and my sweet kids do to me, In moments of pain , sorrow grief or fear, we need our Daddy! Now, I am not saying that I have any clue what my Savior went through, I'm just saying the love between a Father and his children is special!!! Happy Father's Day to all the amazing Dads, uncles, brothers, grandpas, guardians, anyone who plays the role of a Father figure!! You are Loved!! Thank you all for your love, support and prayers! Til we meet again! We got this!!!
Sunday, April 27, 2014
"Because of Him"
April 27th 2013 was a year ago today. It was a Saturday and I was getting ready to play in a golf tournament with my brother Daniel. We love to golf, especially with family. I woke up excited, jumped into the shower, and my day quickly changed from a mindset of, "what score will win it" or "lets go low" to "what is this huge lump in my armpit"? My world changed. In the blink of an eye, it seemed, I was meeting with doctors, having surgeries, waiting on results, more doctors, scans, etc. etc.! I was diagnosed with advanced stage IV melanoma, and it was in my brain! I started Radiation, Chemo, and infusion treatments. I got sick, I lost a lot of weight, I was in bed all day, I had to go to Huntsman for many appointments and for some emergencies, hospitals, new doctors, no appetite, trying to eat but couldn't, putting water on my lips and getting nauseas, being so dizzy and fatigued that trips to the bathroom were a nightmare, fever, scarred, emotional. Scary time frames or averages concerning how much "time" I had left. I have cancer, I fought and fight hard, I knew that somehow, someway, even in the darkest moments, that this wasn't it. Now, with all the above being said, I wouldn't change it for the world! I saw miracles! My life is a miracle, I had spiritual experiences that have strengthened me and lifted me. My wife and I have had so many tender experiences. I have seen my family come together, perhaps like no other time in our lives and grow and help me! I saw wards, new and old, show me service like I haven't ever felt, an entire community supporting me and my fight. I saw employers, blessing my life and my families, and love me like their own. I saw and felt the Hand of my Brother, Jesus Christ carry me, never leaving my side. I wouldn't change any of it, it has made me better, I hope permanently! :)
My recent scans came back great! There is some "new" junk that showed up in my bowels that my Dr. is 99% sure isn't cancer, but will watch closely. I haven't gained much weight back, if any, but I'm getting stronger. I go to the gym, I eat healthier. I had to get cancer to get my rear in shape, and my body is more of a temple to me now than any other time in my life. Cancer caught me off guard, it came at a time in my life when I was very unhealthy. Worst shape of my life. It whooped me....big time!! Now, I have a reason. I took life for granted, I let my body go, my health go, even having a wife and kids didn't shape me up. But, if the cancer comes back for some more fights, I'm going to do all that I can to have my body ready!!
We just celebrated Easter. Candy, and eggs and bunnies, etc! But we try and focus on the Resurrection of our Savior! I love knowing that I will live again after this life and be with my sweet wife and kids for eternity! I love the story of Jesus visiting the tomb when Mary is there. I cant imagine the feelings she had. He wouldn't let her touch him yet because he hadn't visited the Father yet. But my favorite phrase in the scriptures of this story is right after he says he needs to visit his Father. "go to my brethren and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father and to your Father, and to my God and to your God". (John 20:17)In this simple verse we learn, not only are we all children of a loving Heavenly Father who is God, but the Savior of all mankind, who suffered and died for our sins, pains, and heartaches, is indeed our Brother! My Brother! I know my battle isn't over, but "because of Him, I'm not afraid of death, because of Him I can be a husband and Daddy forever, because of Him I can be clean, because of Him I can do hard things, because of Him I have faith, because of Him I will fight and endure, because of Him I have EVERYTHING!!" Thank you for your faith, prayers, fasting and love for my family and I!!! Til we meet again!! We got this!!
My recent scans came back great! There is some "new" junk that showed up in my bowels that my Dr. is 99% sure isn't cancer, but will watch closely. I haven't gained much weight back, if any, but I'm getting stronger. I go to the gym, I eat healthier. I had to get cancer to get my rear in shape, and my body is more of a temple to me now than any other time in my life. Cancer caught me off guard, it came at a time in my life when I was very unhealthy. Worst shape of my life. It whooped me....big time!! Now, I have a reason. I took life for granted, I let my body go, my health go, even having a wife and kids didn't shape me up. But, if the cancer comes back for some more fights, I'm going to do all that I can to have my body ready!!
We just celebrated Easter. Candy, and eggs and bunnies, etc! But we try and focus on the Resurrection of our Savior! I love knowing that I will live again after this life and be with my sweet wife and kids for eternity! I love the story of Jesus visiting the tomb when Mary is there. I cant imagine the feelings she had. He wouldn't let her touch him yet because he hadn't visited the Father yet. But my favorite phrase in the scriptures of this story is right after he says he needs to visit his Father. "go to my brethren and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father and to your Father, and to my God and to your God". (John 20:17)In this simple verse we learn, not only are we all children of a loving Heavenly Father who is God, but the Savior of all mankind, who suffered and died for our sins, pains, and heartaches, is indeed our Brother! My Brother! I know my battle isn't over, but "because of Him, I'm not afraid of death, because of Him I can be a husband and Daddy forever, because of Him I can be clean, because of Him I can do hard things, because of Him I have faith, because of Him I will fight and endure, because of Him I have EVERYTHING!!" Thank you for your faith, prayers, fasting and love for my family and I!!! Til we meet again!! We got this!!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Do you love me?
The last little while has been a little frustrating health wise but awesome in other aspects of my life. My last scans looked good, the disease is inactive. I want to be clear what this means in my situation with my diagnosis. I have advanced stage lV melanoma, it will always stay that stage or worse and it will always be in my body. It's a " ninja" cancer as my doctor put it. We don't know how it got there, we don't know where it sometimes goes, and the scary part, we don't know when it will come back, and how aggressively. So, I TRY to live life with a smile, and a positive attitude about what's ahead for our little family. Not knowing if you got into a certain college, or not knowing if you got the job, is so stressful! Not knowing how long you have to live is without description. I am committed to being a better person NO MATTER WHAT! That's all I can do. I need your prayers, I need your faith. I'm living the miracle that all of you created for me, it wasn't supposed to happen like this but faith and miracles are real!! The past few months we have followed families who have lost loved ones to cancer. Some I know, others I didn't. I'm amazed at the strength of the family unit that allowed these amazing individuals to lift someone who lost there soul mate, eternal companion, sweetheart, Daddy, son, brother, whatever. It gives me hope, that if I'm called home early, I have a family that can lift my wife and kids, so that we will without a doubt reunite in the kingdom of Heaven!! I'm inspired by you special people who have suffered tremendous loss!!!
When the Savior was crucified and resurrected, he left his disciples alone. They asked, " what do we do now"? They decided to go back to fishing. They struggled, heard a voice. Peter lept from the boat and ran to shore. The Master asked Peter, "do you love me more than all of this"? Peter answered, " yeah lord thou knowest I love thee"! Two more times the Savior asked two more times Peter replied, then the Savior asked "then why are we here on this same shore, by these same boats, having this same conversation, wasn't it clear then and isn't it clear now if I want fish I can get fish? What I need are disciples and I need them forever, I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me!" I love this exchange because I substitute Peters name for mine. "Tom, do you love me?" My answer is YES!!!! And I don't know how long I have to live, but I will do whatever I can for as long as I can to prove it, the crowning characteristic of love is loyalty!! Loyal to his name, words, church, and everything he lived for!! My friends and family and supporters, "do you love him?" Thank you for your amazing support and love! Till we meet again!!! We got this!!!!
When the Savior was crucified and resurrected, he left his disciples alone. They asked, " what do we do now"? They decided to go back to fishing. They struggled, heard a voice. Peter lept from the boat and ran to shore. The Master asked Peter, "do you love me more than all of this"? Peter answered, " yeah lord thou knowest I love thee"! Two more times the Savior asked two more times Peter replied, then the Savior asked "then why are we here on this same shore, by these same boats, having this same conversation, wasn't it clear then and isn't it clear now if I want fish I can get fish? What I need are disciples and I need them forever, I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me!" I love this exchange because I substitute Peters name for mine. "Tom, do you love me?" My answer is YES!!!! And I don't know how long I have to live, but I will do whatever I can for as long as I can to prove it, the crowning characteristic of love is loyalty!! Loyal to his name, words, church, and everything he lived for!! My friends and family and supporters, "do you love him?" Thank you for your amazing support and love! Till we meet again!!! We got this!!!!
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